das geistige Auto - smart car

tiny transportation


sara acts as my cover while i take a picture of a smart car in action. note the driver's head near the rear window.

we all know europe has small cars. i'm talking about everyday people cars, the kind you see on every street, not fancy performance cars. usually we picture something akin to a peugeot or a yugo when picturing these everyday european cars. dan and i have our own version of an everyday european car courtesy of the company. it's considered a mid-size here, but this ain't no buick or nissan. it's got 4 doors and a comfortable enough back seat, but there is only enough trunk to carry two small suitcases or a few bags of groceries.

i guess i expected, coming to the land of BMW and Mercedes-Benz, that we would see more large, powerful automobiles, suitable for the autobahn. no. in fact, it's the opposite. the cars here, the vast majority, are very small. we, in our "mid-size" base model, don't-sell-it-in-the-states-because-it-would-ruin-our-reputation, mercedes are living in the lap of everyday people luxury. there is actually a model of our car that is smaller!

but what gets me giggling every time i see one is the "smart car." i understand that if you only go to and from work, or to some place where no items are required to come with you, the smart car is a fine option. it's two seats, driver and passenger, enclosed in a "car-like" space. really it's like a bike plus sidecar with a cover. instead of the flintstone feet one might expect to see moving the "car" along, there are actually 2 axles, that are wider than the car itself.

parking a smart car can be hilarious. you know those spaces between cars that people in the states leave for themselves or others to maneuver their cars forward and back when parallel parking? here, those spaces between cars, are viable smart car parking spots! did you ever need to park two cars lengthwise, or widthwise, into one spot? you can do that with smart cars! find a spot the size of a tree trunk? perfect for the smart car! i am often surprised to see that people don't tether their smart cars like one might lock a bike. i could probably lift one.

so, i have taken to calling them stupid cars. they are stupid because they serve a very small slice of the population: namely, someone who frequently ventures outside of the very extensive public transportation system, who has no kids or friends, and who never buys things or takes anything with them, and who can fit in the tiny cab. here in the land of giant people that is a tall order (get it? hee hee).

there are, of course, different models of the smart car, and they all come in an array of colors and with different options just like real cars! there is a four door version for those who frequently shuttle around dwarfs - certainly no discerning parent would put their child in a smart car. and they have a sports car, which is like the cheapest M class BMW coupe you've ever seen. and then they have the convertible. at this point, it's really a scooter. i wonder if it comes with a helmet?

some of you reading this entry might say, "but, jordan, everything is tiny to you. you drive an SUV in california. what would you know about economy of space and environmental implications?" to you i say, "shut it." i drive an SUV because as a freelance drama teacher i carry a lot of crap around with me - and i have self-esteem issues. but admit it: you'd be scared to drive a smart car in the states. you'd be crushed because no one would see you and the engine couldn't get to you 70 mph if it tried. plus they make a wind-up toy noise that would get you laughed right off the road.

i wouldn't say that i am disappointed by the lack of big powerful german engineering here in berlin. in fact, i love it. driving around the city is hilarious! so, the berliners and i have something in common. i've always been fascinated by abnormally small things. the europeans, it seems, like miniatures too.