à travers - up and down (french)

believe it or not, this line took 15 minutes. and i thought the germans were efficient!


once inside dan makes a plan of action with his trusty sidekick, mr. map.
no that's not mr. map lounging in the background.

day 3: 2 and 1/2 bottles of wine.

this is the day we take on the louvre - and the thousands of tourists who aspire to do the same. after another yummy hotel breakfast we headed off, on the metro in deference to our still-smarting feet, to wait in line. as we saw the snake of human forms curl around the farthest point from the entrance we were not heartened, but we were inside the pyramid within 15 minutes.

on the inside, however, what was a calm orderly line degenerated into the masses running amok from ticket kiosk to ticket kiosk muscling their way to the front. as we approach one "line" a security guard closes it, then reopens it after we walk away. evidently he was playing a little game with himself like "today i let in only italians" or "for the next hour only people wearing brown shoes get in my line." the line we did end up included a french family who's method of advancing was for dad to press his crotch into the people ahead of him. as he "advanced" on me a whole flood of french expletives rushed to mind and i was very tempted to use them. instead i pulled out a move or two of my own that have served me well at rock concerts. soon enough dan and i were at the front.

dan got a map, we checked our coats, and we followed the little pictures of the mona lisa until the crowd swept us into a side room. there she stood, in all her enigmatic glory, smirking at the hoards of da vinci code worshiping suckers who paid 10 euros to view her. the painting is small, a lot smaller than i thought it would be. standing in the giant crowd with determined elderly women using their purses to take shots at my kidneys, dan and i decided we had seen her and it was time to move on.

venus di milo - check
napoleonic apartments - check
asian antiquities - check
cool dungeon of the original palace - added bonus

so, louvre done in less than 3 hours, we had a little extra time on our hands. we decided to see ste. chapelle, where we spent that extra time waiting in another much less efficient line. when we finally got inside the church, i had the same reaction that i had at the mona lisa: "huh, i thought it'd be bigger." the church is really beautiful with 13th century stained glass depicting books of the bible on 3 sides and a rose window from the 17th century on the 4th. wooden sculptures of saints stare down at you, while a hefty french woman shushes you. it's all quite intimidating in a really cozy way.

two major parisian sites seen and it was time for lunch, which i decided i wanted to have in a less touristy neighborhood. bad idea. we find a nice enough looking spot, sit by the window, and order french food and our first bottle of wine for the day. what happens next is a blur of nausea. i have ordered the andouille sausage, which i have had before in the states, and liked. what comes is a hunk of 1/2 cooked innards spilling out of what looks like i imagine the rectum looks like. one side bulges and oozes an especially foul smelling liquid, and the other is a shriveled mass of intestinal lining. there is a white wine mustard dipping sauce that had been sitting out for hours. oh, and fries. i eat the fries, and an occasional bite of dan's chicken. i force myself to gulp down the wine, to help me forget what is sitting in front of me emitting a gas of some kind.

as fast as europeanly possible we pay the check and leave. we wander the left bank, dan in search of food that will provide some nutrients for me, and me in a wine and grease induced funk. but have no fear, chocolate is here! we stumble into "cacao et chocolat" and purchase a tiny box of (nutrient filled) african chocolates. soon enough my stomach is better and when we find the map store next door to the stationary store all of our favorite things surround us and life is good again.

off to the jardin de luxembourg, which is in paris, in case you got confused there. we lounged in one of the many chairs around the grass, watched the native parisians doing native parisian things (talking on their cell phones, playing soccer - we could have been anywhere in europe, really), and admired the gardens. at precisely 7pm, or so the giant clock said, we realized we had forgotten to go to the museum shop at the louvre to buy our mona lisa playing cards. (we collect cards that amuse us from each place we visit) we high tail it outta the jardin to arrive at the louvre just after closing. no cards for us.

what's a disappointed tourist to do? have another bottle of wine, of course. this time we checked out the menu, and were, miraculously, not turned away from a fancy wine bar/restaurant near the louvre. we ordered a little cheese and had swizzle time.

we metroed back to the hotel, got a half bottle of champagne, and planned out the next day - which is probably why it ended up the way it did...

still ahead on "paris vacation": day 4 - dan "accidentally" takes a wrong turn landing us in the red light district.