die Versagerin - the female failure
i knew this day was coming, i just wasn't sure when exactly it would come. i have officially hit a wall. (had it up to here, reached the end of my rope, insert your favorite metaphor here for "had enough" - i have chosen the wall as mine for obvious location-related reasons.)
i think most people who are away from home for a while reach a point when they just - want - to - go - home. today i reached that point. some things have become routine and even fun here. i happen to like the 3 hour dinner. i like knowing how to use the u-bahn and the s-bahn. i even like trying to say things in german. but today i just wanted things to be easy.
i was not up to the lessons i received in bus travel or food court etiquette. lesson 1: the bus driver will not open the door to signal that it is time to board the bus, you have to knock on the door at the exact time of departure or else they leave without you - or so i gathered as i watched the only bus for 30 minutes drive off into the blizzard. i took a different bus to meet dan at our lunch spot instead of at his office, and learned that buses here stop every 1/2 block or so making it ideal for elderly people or those not in a hurry. lesson 2: when i reached the place where we were eating i learned that one must not order by number at the "asia-snack" but by ingredient or one receives formless gray meat instead of chicken.
these are little things, tiny frustrations that shouldn't make me cry in the middle of the mall, but a month and a half of these little things is enough to make me want to go home. i don't even know where home is since we move so often. tomorrow i will most likely be back to my normal, happy self, but right now i feel like a failure. i have failed to adjust to german culture, failed to appreciate the lessons i learn from my mistakes, failed to catch a bus sitting right in front of me, failed to order the correct item off the menu, etc.
just now the cat has decided that she'd rather poop next to her box, not in it. how does a girl catch a break (or a bus)? it is 2:30pm and i am considering having a glass of wine. does white or red go best with gummy bears?
i think most people who are away from home for a while reach a point when they just - want - to - go - home. today i reached that point. some things have become routine and even fun here. i happen to like the 3 hour dinner. i like knowing how to use the u-bahn and the s-bahn. i even like trying to say things in german. but today i just wanted things to be easy.
i was not up to the lessons i received in bus travel or food court etiquette. lesson 1: the bus driver will not open the door to signal that it is time to board the bus, you have to knock on the door at the exact time of departure or else they leave without you - or so i gathered as i watched the only bus for 30 minutes drive off into the blizzard. i took a different bus to meet dan at our lunch spot instead of at his office, and learned that buses here stop every 1/2 block or so making it ideal for elderly people or those not in a hurry. lesson 2: when i reached the place where we were eating i learned that one must not order by number at the "asia-snack" but by ingredient or one receives formless gray meat instead of chicken.
these are little things, tiny frustrations that shouldn't make me cry in the middle of the mall, but a month and a half of these little things is enough to make me want to go home. i don't even know where home is since we move so often. tomorrow i will most likely be back to my normal, happy self, but right now i feel like a failure. i have failed to adjust to german culture, failed to appreciate the lessons i learn from my mistakes, failed to catch a bus sitting right in front of me, failed to order the correct item off the menu, etc.
just now the cat has decided that she'd rather poop next to her box, not in it. how does a girl catch a break (or a bus)? it is 2:30pm and i am considering having a glass of wine. does white or red go best with gummy bears?
posted by jordan at
2:43 PM
2 Comments:
...sigh...
Just a reminder--you had days like this in California and in Colorado and in Indiana. Me too.
By
Anonymous, at March 02, 2006 1:38 AM
I think the fruity red goes best with Gummi bears.
I definitely had moments like that when I spent a semester in Germany. It made me realize that "home" was the good ol' US of A, George Bush the First (at the time) and all.
Hi! It's Alice.
By
Alice, at March 02, 2006 3:55 AM
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